Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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