Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
