he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
