Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
