I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
