dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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