i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's shark week go big or go home
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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