moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If I die, sorry about rent.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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