he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
