worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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