see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
