Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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