My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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