I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
