1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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