but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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