my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
