Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Let's get the cat blown out
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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