You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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