2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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