She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
