I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just want to make out with him forever
And then the night went full on bisexual.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
