I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
