It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
