oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
