i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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