She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
