I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
