Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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