Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
