made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
