Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
