i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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