I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
