I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I will be naked everywhere
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
