He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
