Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
