HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
