you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
love makes seman taste better
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
