Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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