i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
