Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
