I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
