I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
