who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
