What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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