i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
