Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
