Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
