Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
