like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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