This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
