WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
