I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
