do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
